Quote:
Originally Posted by Rayne_
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So I fragmented too. That's how I think of DID. Went to therapy for the first time years ago, and many of the parts came into my awareness at once and had sort of a breakdown, which should have never happened. What the psychiatrist did was dangerous. Anyway, that's what led to years of therapy afterwards. The last one, unfortunately, made things worse. All the feelings of being unloved are in my present now, rather than the past. My T was too harsh. I see no utility in this and am afraid it will never get better.
It's too late for me, but I hope you find your way TrailRunner.  |
I can definitely relate to this. I was diagnosed (finally?) with DDNOS, OSDD in the current DSM probably, 8 years ago.
I went to therapy after my late husband died, to try to get some "help", in moving forward with life on my own. Dealing with "issues" without a whole, authentic, integrated sense of self is, well, . . .to me it has been near impossibly difficult. I guess that integrating those parts is what's it's all about, but the therapists I saw, even the last one, a trauma and dissociation specialist, seemed not to have much of a clue. As, of course, I didn't either, which is why I was consulting them!
Currently, I'm now feeling how sad that I wasn't loved, too. I didn't even really "know" it previously. It is a devastating feeling, no wonder I (or my nervous system) numbed it out, turned it off, whatever. But sad is better than. . .some other things, I guess? Progress along a way? Processing something?
It feels too late for me, too. I've been hurt by too many therapists to try again. But maybe there's something else out there, I don't know.