Cyrano, you're right. I really like it when you guys talk to me because it opens my mind to things that I probably already knew, but were stuck in my subconscious mind because I don't want to believe any of them are true.

Anyway, my last post was rather specific, so I understand that it's tough to respond to if you can't find the generalities behind it.

And just to update you guys since Cyrano at least noticed, I'm not in therapy anymore. I crossed the state line and went to a pretty reputable mental hospital after I posted that scary stuff here, and after I went on a drinking binge and flipped out. Therapy didn't work out though.My theapist said, "If I were the girl, I'm not sure I"d be inclined to be in a relationship with you." Anyway, his whole demeanor was condescending the entire time, and then that, so I punched him in the face and was taken to a higher security area until I calmed down, at which point I left without permission.

I know, I'm tough to deal with. And I honestly feel like I'm making people afraid to respond to me, since everyone's posts seem to begin and/or end with some kind of unnecessary apology in case they weren't helpful enough.

I think it is an overall social issue that I have, I've always had various issues anyway. I don't want to act like the relationship issue is the only one, we've been talking about that a lot lately. But the problem there is that I think a relationship would help fix my other problems, a relationship with this specific woman, but there's a catch: as many of you have said, I probably can't/shouldn't have the relationship until I change.