Again, thank you all for your excellent input.

My intuition is usually on target...I mean, I have learned a lot about how people function in my years on earth. I can't really get away from the sense that the therapist has a kind of extra-big respect for me for doing *whatever* she views as healthy, or even heroic, with regard to dealing with illnesses/deaths in my family. I'm just laying that out as I perceive it.

Anyway, that's kind of a separate issue. What she thinks of me is...whatever...it's her thoughts and she might come to (if she knows me better) realize that I'm just an average human, after all.

As for medication: I am a strong believer in the potential of meds to help us cope with our mental illnesses. Meds have helped me, overall, very much. As for being on them for the rest of my life...I am clearly bipolar. Was diagnosed decades ago and that diagnosis remains as strong as it ever was, even considering the hard work I've done (and still do) with therapists in the past.
I believe my bipolar is a neurological illness and, possibly, a genetic one (my dad was bipolar). I expect to be on some kind of meds for the rest of my life (unless psychiatry invents something different that works to treat mental illness).

The reasons I'm going to therapy at this point in my life are not the same reasons I take medication. One is for grief issues; the other is for mood issues.

Anyway. I have an afternoon appointment with the therapist today. I guess, in my mind, I am using today's appointment as a barometer. If the session is helpful, I will continue. If I leave saying to myself, "Hmm...I just wasted a big part of my afternoon"...I might terminate. IF I can come up with the courage (I probably can) I will actually mention my concerns to the therapist.

I'll let you all know how it goes. Oh- one more concern that I forgot to mention...I don't feel a transference happening with the therapist yet. I've seen her 4 times, so far. I just feel like I'm visiting a friend that I don't know that well, but I don't think about her fondly outside of session or anything like that. With my therapist many years ago (the one I saw for 6 years), I felt a strong transference from the get-go. I'm kind of concerned about not feeling that with this person. ???

Thank you all very much for your feedback today