Hello friends. I am pleased to report that I am in a much better place than I was for most of this month. For the last few weeks I've been having trouble getting to sleep because I've been so worried about what I was going to do with my future. Well, last week I finally worked up the nerve to investigate my retirement savings, and low and behold I basically have about $40K to fall back on if I need it. (I say the number not to brag, but just to show that I'm really not in as dire straits as I thought I was.) I know, you're not supposed to mess with that money, but I've been thinking lately and came to a decision. I would rather use some of that money now to help ensure a brighter future than hold onto it and possibly never get to use it anyway.

You see, while I do plan to keep looking for a job, I am very afraid that if I just take another menial job in this area I'm going to fall right back into the same trap. If using this money now allows me to get out of my comfort zone for a while, see some other places, and help me decide where I can go to start my life over, that's what I want to do. I'm too old to just keep taking whatever comes along.

Now I just have to figure out some sort of plan. One idea is to back to school and get some sort of certification that qualifies me for a job, period, so that I can get work and if I have to leave a job for whatever reason, I know I can find work somewhere else without going through all this rigamarole. For example, I was thinking of becoming a court reporter, which pays well and is in high demand. (I have a bachelor's degree already but it seems pretty useless.)

On the other hand, pretty much every program I've looked at (at least so far) requires at least two years of full-time schooling and I don't want to live like a student again. I could do like so many do and go to school while I also work full-time, but because of my high sensitivity I get worn down pretty fast. (Especially with the last job I had.) Now if I could find a job that would pay me $35-40K a year, I could live with that. Problem there is so far I haven't had much luck finding such a job.

The real problem, though, is having the self-discipline to stay focused on figuring my life out instead of just playing Batman: Arkham Asylum all the time.