I can definitely relate to this. I was diagnosed (finally?) with DDNOS, OSDD in the current DSM probably, 8 years ago.

I went to therapy after my late husband died, to try to get some "help", in moving forward with life on my own. Dealing with "issues" without a whole, authentic, integrated sense of self is, well, . . .to me it has been near impossibly difficult. I guess that integrating those parts is what's it's all about, but the therapists I saw, even the last one, a trauma and dissociation specialist, seemed not to have much of a clue. As, of course, I didn't either, which is why I was consulting them!

Currently, I'm now feeling how sad that I wasn't loved, too. I didn't even really "know" it previously. It is a devastating feeling, no wonder I (or my nervous system) numbed it out, turned it off, whatever. But sad is better than. . .some other things, I guess? Progress along a way? Processing something?

It feels too late for me, too. I've been hurt by too many therapists to try again. But maybe there's something else out there, I don't know.