"It's never too late"

Its great to be optimistic, but I am not minimizing how damaging it was to be in this kind of therapy with the way my T practiced, and the harm he caused to me. He crossed the line into abusive. It has affected me more than i would have ever imagined, and now after spending thousands on harmful therapy, I have no money to find another T. I feel robbed of the shred of self worth I had, any sense of well being, my positive traits. All overpowered by his negativity and putting me down repeatedly, mocking me, etc.

I was with him for 5 years. I thought i was "attached " and "working through the transference". In reality, the therapy recreated the dynamics of my abusive childhood, and my T blamed me for everything. I couldn't get out of it for a lomg time

Mouse, your T sounds super. Not all of us have/had that. T trauma on top of childhood trauma is extremely damaging and harmful. And lasting like childhood trauma.