I'm so sorry that you are going through this devastating loss. I actually read your post a day or so ago, but thinking what you must be feeling hit me in the gut so hard that I couldn't bring myself to reply until now.

First, I want to validate that you ARE going through something devastating and deserve support, guidance, care, and compassion right now. Just because your T is also going through something huge does not mean that you aren't allowed to need help and support. Grief is not a competition; we don't stop grieving just because someone else is going through pain.

I do want to encourage you to keep seeing your T for as long as you want to and she is available. There is no need to rush off to "save her" from anything. You are important to her, and that is why she is still seeing you. She is important to you, and that is so entirely ok -- you be with her as long as you want to and can.

I would, at the same time, encourage you to seek a second therapist who you can work with as well. This is a huge transition, and it doesn't need to be done sharply and all at once -- it is OK to start building a relationship with another T (another support person for you) while still working with and loving your current T. In fact, I think it is very important so that you are not left bearing the grief all alone when the time does come for your current T to close her practice. It will be important for there to be others on whom you can lean, and you can go ahead and start building the trust and relationship with another therapist now -- before it is so crucially needed.

I'll end by saying -- while I haven't been in exactly your shoes -- my long-term T (now exT because he moved away; though we maintain contact) was diagnosed with lymphoma last year -- the same cancer that his father has, that his aunt died from last year, and that so many in his family have succumb to. I know how horrible a punch that was for me (and coupled with him telling me he was moving away, it also meant the impending end of our therapy when I wasn't expecting that). It's been 9 months since I got that news, and I am still grieving.

All this to say - be gentle with yourself. Be patient as you can with yourself. Grief is heavy and hard and lasts a lot longer than we'd like it to. Don't rush it -- don't push yourself to get past it on any timeline. It's ok to grieve. It's ok to need help, support, someone---it's ok to need someone.

Again, I'm truly sorry you are going through this devastation. (((Big Hugs)))