Thanks for thoughts, Perna!

Yes, I could take a medical leave of absence (with Dr.s ok, I think), but that would mean zero income while I have a wife, 2 kids, the mortgage, etc. I'm currently drawing on my school's sickleave bank which keeps my paycheck coming after I use up my own sick days. I'm 95% of the breadwinner in the family - can't just stop having money come in.

There MIGHT be a little more flexibility with the doc than I'd first thought. Upon talking to him about not feeling ready to be discharged from the day program, he instructed staff to contact my insurance who, grudgingly, granted three more days of that program (tomorrow, Friday and next Monday). Amongst other things, I can use the remaining days in the program to air my work issues more assertively (honestly?!?) with the staff and doctor so that there's a clearer path/pattern showing work to be the major stressor. I'll also then get my 5 minutes to talk to the doctor three more times as well - perhaps that will help clarify the issue for him.

If necessary, I could talk to the psychiatrist on 'the outside' who had been monitoring my meds for the past few years - no idea if he'd be amenable to 'helping' but at least it's another resource to consider if necessary.

Part of my fear comes from the recent realization that when I first sought psychotherapy for depression years ago, and, eventually, grudgingly accepted pharmaceutical assistance as well, I began to feel 'somewhat' better - I was still sad, still had bad times, but the meds helped some and I able to 'keep my chin up', 'take it like a man and don't show you're hurt', and all those other social programming issues society instills in boys. I realize now that I've been 'playing hurt' for ages and that there might actually be a different version of 'normal' function out there that I've still never encountered. I trust the cautious but more aggressive drug intervention my day hospital psychiatrist is using, and can see how the intensive therapy of the program is starting to dig into the deeply buried, 'real' issues on which I need to work. I'm terrified that I'm going to be 'patched' up 'just as good as I was before' and sent back out, when I now know that 'as good as I was before' was really just a tragically slow drowning.

Sorry, I'm rambling - I tend to over analyze!
Gwydion