<font color="red"><center> ((((((((((((((((((Depressme))))))))))))))))))) </center> </font>

I am sending you so many warm and gentle hugs right now! I hope you can feel them and know they're not threatening but full of love.

My story is a little different ... I wanted children, tried several times, but never could carry one to term. At 40 I had a complete hysterectomy. 40! I knew I was already at the outer limits but I yearned for a child of my own, as you do.

Yes, I was probably stronger than you are now, but I honestly don't think that's the point. YOU are stronger than you know, too! I see it every time I read on the forums ... people here who hurt because of mental illness who NEVER see their own strength, as I see it in YOU. I know you won't believe me ... my own blessing, my newest daughter, doesn't see it in herself either. It's one part of what you all share that hurts ME the most ... that you don't see your own strength.

SO ... I knew I'd never have a child of my own ... but I WAS SO WRONG! I believe God <u>never</u> closes a door that He doesn't open another. My first "child" came nearly 5 years later, a son. He was away from home, in a foreign country, and God put him in my path when he most needed a second mother. He was burned over 70% of his body and I was there! Because he told the doctors I was his mother, I could make decisions until his own parents could make the trip to the US. He's back in his own home country now but I'm still Mama and always will be.

My other 4 children came gradually over the last 15 years, with my newest coming to me a year or so ago. This is my blessing, my newest daughter, and God knows, she needed me ... and I needed her. I am her mother! I am the only mother she's ever known who loves her unconditionally, who supports her, who <u>tries</u> to understand her. I didn't run away when she tried to push me away. I haven't run away, even as I learned more and more about her mental illnesses ... including SI. I am her mother! GOD opened that door, De.

Trust isn't something that comes easily, I know that. I also know, because I've read so many of your posts, that YOU have it in YOU to trust! Your friends here have rallied around you. Your friends here will help you. But even more, GOD will help you. You don't need to afraid with that kind of support!

Sorry I got so long-winded ... but it's important that you KNOW whether a child is from your body or that child is from your heart ... when you open yourself up to God, He will help. And there's no better help than that!

So try not to worry ... we're all here for you ... and so is God!

I'm still trying to be a better and better ...

GoodMama