Was talking to Mom. The conversation led to what would be done with all her crap when she's done with it forever. I use "crap" because most of it is just that, crap. She keeps everything. I did not use the word "crap" which is more appropriate for it, but wasn't for the conversation. She asked what we'd do with it all. I have been rehearsing this one in my head for a long long time.
I was honest and said, "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but almost all of it will be thrown away. None of us want this stuff Mom. It's not valuable and we all have our own stuff already. Think of the 'Pickers' show you watch. The kids that inherit the things don't want them. They frequently show the pickers going into houses stuffed full of things and leave with a van or less of things. That much left of it goes in the trash. Nobody will want it."
She got very angry. "Well, why don't I throw it all away right now?! I don't want you to have to."
"Because you like it Mom. We accept that you cling to these things. We understand why, because we have our own things that we cling to. It's ok. Just know that we don't want it, and you're going to have to accept that."
"Somebody will want it."
"Maybe, if we feel like donating it somewhere. But honestly, an entire house full of things is more than most people want to go through after losing someone. They don't feel up to it and aren't concerned with the things. Things aren't the person or the memories. They say that on the pickers show very often."
"I don't like it."
"I know. It's tough to think this lifetime of stuff is only valuable to one person. I evaluated that a while back and threw out most of my stuff. I realized I didn't need to try to pass it along. Nobody would want it. I pitched it so they don't have to. I made their lives easier by simplifying mine. You don't have to. It's ok."
"I'm not throwing my stuff away. It's mine and I am keeping it."
"It's ok Mom. We all accept that."
"Why don't you go somewhere else? You're making me mad."
I cautiously and quietly left the room at this point. I think she's cooled off now but that's a hard one to have to wrap your head around. What do I have that other people, those closest to me, will want when I'm gone? How much easier could my own life and theirs become if I just let things go? It doesn't have to be just physical things.