I want to thank all of you for making me feel heard... just an update, it's been about 12 days since I had my abortion. It was by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. The experience was something out of a nightmare, it was even scheduled (latest I could) on my mom's birthday...she doesn't believe in abortions so of course I never told her about my pregnancy....I was so upset I ended up finding myself some xanax by time the day was over. Afterwards, being almost 2 weeks later... I'm back to my regular drinking and smoking again BUT I am a lot more focused on getting my life together so that one day I could have a child.