So I've had this on my mind lately and figured I would put i out here and see if anyone had thoughts on this...

Do you think you need to know everything that happened? Not just for the sake of healing and moving forward, but also because it might just come out eventually as you become more aware of yourself as a whole?

I've been chewing on that idea off and on for a week or so now. I've been, to the best of my awareness, myself (no switching or time loss moments that I know of) for over a month now. I know I have not fully integrated or anything, but I have been having partial integration/mesh up things (two or more of us come together to be one) and I feel this will continue on. Integration is my goal as of now. And it seems to me that as I integrate, it makes sense that I would get memories held by others as this process continues on. I still have huge chunks of my life just gone from my awareness... my memory seriously looks like a piece of swiss cheese... Anyway, I wonder if that is true... do you get all the holes filled in or will some stuff just be gone. I mean, people who don't have DID have memory blanks that never come back. Maybe some stuff will just stay hidden from me. But then I worry... well if that happens, will I still have some terrified part of me somewhere in my head afraid and alone? That seems cruel to say the least. I dunno. Ultimately I understand that I will either know or I will not and I doubt that I have much if any say in that so I will either deal with it when it comes or not deal with it because it does not... still, I wonder.

-Avery