There is something about your posts that always speak to me- a sincerity of voice and some trueness to them. I am 100 percent sure you will have this love, a love as absorbing as this, in real life at some point, if you grow your way through this stage and accept it as growing pains.

Therapy is terribly powerful for those of us with childhood violation of our humanity and human needs. Real life stands no chance as competing. I have loved and been loved as an adult, but still somehow my T mesmerizes me, and takes me away from the real people in my life by my own preoccupation with him. It is scary, and they don't realize what is happening on a bone deep level unless they have been through it. I can't sleep, and am bleary-eyed and kind of war torn at work today too. My heart hurts, and my brain feels bruised. Going back for more is like a punch drunk boxer who keeps swinging for cash, but there is this belief it is a corrective relationship and you can take and keep all you learn into the world with you. It is likely that the pain you feel now is all you felt and accumulated as a child, focused on this T but not because of her.

I don't know what will happen between you and your T is this period, but I hope you will not say farewell to us or give up home. Maybe when you are 38 instead of 28, you will be be in love, and the love of someone's life who is out there right now waiting for you to struggle though this period of life.