I finally reported everything to the police, even though nothing can be done and I accept that. 4 years after I was raped, I didn’t expect it to result in charges. It’s on record and if he does anything again they’ll have the information from it.

I think this was a big step for me. I felt relieved and also very frightened. I keep trying to find the words to talk to someone in depth about it and I can’t seem to find the words. I literally open and close my mouth repeatedly, unknowing how to go about actually opening up. There is one person, an older adult in my life that I absolutely trust more than anyone else in my life. He’s expressed concerns and told me when I’m ready he’ll be there for me to talk.

People say not to force it, but I want to talk, I need to talk, and I don’t know how to, or where to begin. I’m going to be talking to my psychiatrist about it on Thursday but even then, I don’t quite know what to say exactly, besides that it happened. I don’t even say “rape” when I talk about it, and I struggle to say “sexual assault”. I usually refer to the event as “it” and don’t use the phrases. They just sound so… guttural?

I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice. I’m sure how to open about this, or anything in my life really, but this in particular.