Hey everyone.

So I went to meet a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in years. It was amazing to see her again, especially after all we went through together in our bipolar journeys, even the times when we were apart.

The crazy thing is, and it almost feels sad to the both of us, is we are not the same women we were when we met in the psych ward 11 years ago. I mean its a good thing that we are both healthy and stable, but at what cost?

What I mean is, for both of us, the real mania that we had experienced over the years, that made us charismatic, carefree, intelligent, confident and proud, is totally gone, leaving a hole in us which feels like we both completely lost a part of ourselves. I mean life without the crazy mania is healthy, I know this, but we both hate that we don't FEEL anything anymore, because we are so numbed by medication.

I don't know, even though it was depressing to sit there and say how empty we both felt, I guess it was nice to at least share that camaraderie with someone else, IN PERSON, and not just online.

I guess in the end I should count my blessings and just get over it. But damn it sucks sometimes to have lost so much.