raceka, i really haven't shown feelings either. the one exception was that i offhandedly mentioned my deceased friend last time and so she asked me point blank to talk about that; how he died, our relationship... it was all i could do to hold together. i wasn't prepared for that to come up right then and sure am not "over it" in anyway. i don't know if one gets over one's best friend dying.
but usually with her i am very matter of fact, telling things like they are, don't understand when she talks about emotions... oy.

At this point, i've emailed her all my thoughts on this - and waiting for t tomorrow. tonight i found myself going "Yay, i have t tomorrow!!... wait a minute....!" it was like "THe Emperor's New Groove" when at the end he is changing into all these animals when trying to get out of being a lamma and be human again, drinks the umteenth potion and goes "Yay!! I'm a lamma!!!"
So i am glad that this will be dealt with (at leas i really hope it will - how many times have we gone in with expectations only to have them not happen?!) and also quite anxious about the whole ordeal. But it's good! I'm facing this instead of running from it (again)... . it IS good, right? right.