Ok so i have been getting angered easily lately an di feel very uncomfortable. I am going to make a list of everything that has happened to me starting since december.
My mom comes out,I see who she really is. she is very negative, trys to control, overall felt a huge negative cloud from her.
My tub starts to flud from the bottem, my daughters room has water in the carpet on the floor and in the wall.
(during this whole time i am in extreme pain from what we think is fibromyalgia)
My mom leaves so we think things will feel better in the home and some stress will be relieved.
People come and look at the bathroom. Comeback and rip the shower out. Come back a few days or more later and replace it. (it's still not useable)
The next day the water heater tank leaks lots of water and isn't working. The next day another guy comes to fix the wall around the new shower and says he'll be back.
My husband is told he is deploying even after he told them he couldn't when they asked if he could go. It's not because he just doesn't want to go to iraq. it's because if he leaves I will be stuck. I need someone to help me get out of bed in the morning and need help througout the day because of my extreme amounts of pain. I am as trong girl and brush it off when i ache but these pains throughtout my body feel like i got hit by a bus. My husband works third shift now so he can be home in the day just in case i fall over in pain, which has happened at times. So my house still needs fixed. the one room with water damaged still needs fixed. the bathroom needs to be finished and this happened in december all the way up untill now. It's the end of january.
My daughter has been acting out. She constantly whines or fake whines and she doesn't stop. her actions don't make sense. and i finally thought i knew what it was but that doesn't seem to be it at all. Dealing with the house, my daughter, my pain, my mom i finally broke down and relapsed. i cut myself. Thats the third time this year but this time was a serious mental breakdown.(all of 07 to 08) i quit cutting years ago. The first time was out of stupidity, the second because i couldn't handle what was going on and this recent time because i am trying to take all the stress and physical pain away. All i did was cry. i have cryed more this year(07 to beginning of 08)then ever before. last september my husband was deployed and i miscarried our child. I was living with my mom and then came back to where we live when he got back. We have been through ups and downs but for the most part everything was ok. His work let out at 1pm. we got used to this scedule for a long time and i was having problems stayign awake no matter how much sleep i got and my pain was worsening and they changed his job and he worked until 5pm. not good. so he went to third shift. bad things have been happening since last september of 06 and usually a lot of bad things happen at once and then go away but ever since then it's one thing after another with little breaks in between. Now it's all at once and the bad things won't stop coming. Everyday i force myself out of bed and everything starts out smooth and then my daughter starts and then bad news abot my husbands work. sigh. This is long. i am sorry if it sounds overwhelming or boring but i just want to know why bad things keep happening. Luckily i am not suicidal right now. I mean i am ready to go but i am not going to act on it. But what if i snap? How do i stop this cycle. i mean i have suffered a lot of my years and i am still very young.i just want peace. i want people to care-like doctors. they never care at the military hospital i go to. I need a cleansing of my house from negative energy and i need to stay alive because i feel half dead.