Was watching "The Simpsons" once . Homer said " Marge , I'm so so sorry you found out I was lying to you "
Do you only feel regret for you indiscretions when you have been found out ? You can't keep letting your wife down , she deserves more respect than what you've given her . At the moment you know this . You may have felt like that previously but then strayed again ? You need to stop lying to yourself first and foremost . I think you should make your wife the centre of the universe and focus only on her . Remove anything in your life which has led you to look outside your marriage previously and stay away from it . Imagine what you will lose without her , not after she discovers your infidelity but before . Put yourself in her place , imagine this lady's position . If you think you need help then by all means consult someone professionally, but this is going to have to be 99% about who you want to be remembered as a husband .
You sound like your at a low ebb . This is a good place to start to make amends if possible . Rebuild yourself to be the man you want her to believe you are . As you can imagine , many will wonder why she continues to accept your conduct ...including myself to be honest , but having said that , there must be things about you which she believes are good or she wouldn't be prepared to put up with the humiliation and betrayal she must be feeling . you are either going to have to change , or have the honour to ensure your wife is financially secure and leave . Either way it must be about respect for her which drives you . Remember Homer . Do you want to be remorseful , or do you want to be remoresful because she found out .