Kimmy... would talking to t about this next week help any? would it make your insiders more aware that it hurt you that you werent there when you needed to be, and so encourage them to give you the control when you can handle it? i guess the insider who took control was only trying to protect you. Although i realize this is different for me since i have no experience of DID, I think that i would prefer an insider to help me out if i was in what could be an upsetting situation, than have nobody come if i was no longer coping... I dont know to what extent DID controls your life, or how much progress you have made through t in working through it (feel free to inform me lol) but personally i think it is pretty good that you were aware of what was happening for so long. I mean... you have been stressed out with little man and your depression, and that must have raised your general stress levels, so doesnt that mean that, once you heard of your brother's distress, you could have dissociated the whole time, rather than on his entry into hospital? And at least some part of you heard what he was saying, lol. Maybe it is also possible that you were overestimating your capabilitieson dealing with more stress? Sorry about writing a lot about something I know very little about; lol.

I also like the idea of you journalling, I hope it gives you the answers you want. i think you have written before that you have learnt quite a bit about your insiders from what they have written, so maybe one of them will disclose what happened when they judge you're ready to hear it and deal with it. or maybe they will trust t enough to tell it to him? you said in your post that you were very angry, i suppose this is with missing hearing what your brother said, but also from anger at your insider hiding this from you. i dont know if insiders know if you are feeling angry at them or not, but maybe if they felt you blamed them for it, they would be 'scared away' and maybe not have the confidence to reappear again? so then you wouldnt be able to tell them about how you are feeling about this. i believe you said once that you are not yet at the point where you have 'inter-system communications' lol, but if you explained how you are feeeling in your journal and why, and your insiders saw it, maybe they would be encouraged to discuss with you next time you feel threatened. though i think insiders are generally children, right?so they might not understand why you feel that way even if you explained. sorry, i dont know how it all works, sorry if what i am saying is impossible, or something that takes 10 years of therapy! and sorry this is so long too, lol!