Quote:
Originally Posted by LiteraryLark
Ever since I was little, I had always wished I was born a man, but now that I am an adult, a sex change would not change who I am inside and I do not feel comfortable with the idea of having a penis despite all my fantasies of having a penis, as it would be so foreign to what I am still "getting used to". I feel I am "stuck" as a woman. I enjoy wearing men's clothes and would prefer to dress as a man but don't because I need to wear a bra to wear certain men's shirts and I despise wearing bras. I try not to wear bras when I wear women's clothes, so most of my wardrobe is black t-shirts (where my breasts don't show as much) and lots of baggy or thick sweaters. I hate the summer time because I am stuck wearing a tank top which means I need to wear a bra. I think binders would be non-effective because they are more constrictive than a bra and I heard they are extremely uncomfortable. My breasts are small but large enough to be noticeable with thin material. I force myself to wear women's clothes because I've grown up a woman, my parents and grandparents have raised me to be a woman. Some days I am more feminine than man, and vice versa, some days I want to be both. In high school I went through a brief trans phase and it was not received well by peers and family so I went back to feminine. I don't like being one or the other. It depends on how I feel like when I wake up.
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I believe the feeling of being both masculine and feminine is termed "gender-fluid". Perhpas you could read about it.
It makes much more sense in my opinion to say gender is a spectrum. Who on earth are the men and women who fit perfectly into every single stereotype society has assigned to "man" and "woman"?
My cousin had once told me of a Chinese village (I forget the specifics) wherein the women have short hair and the men have long hair. As well, the women pursued the men, rather than the more-acceptable reverse. (More acceptable to US society, as it is of course not more acceptable within their society.) My uncle and father were in the room when she told me. "Well, that's ***-backwards." Said my father. I suppose my point is that our idea of what is proper to the genders depends entirely upon the society in which we live.
The most important thing is that you are able to express yourself in a way that makes you happy.