I'm sorry you are struggling with all of this. I don't really have any suggestions for you here. I mostly just wanted to let you know I read your post.

I do know something about how you feel. I grew up in quite an elderly family. And I spent my whole childhood & teen years going to one funeral after another as each of the members of my extended family passed away. My parents are both gone now too. (This is what happens as you get old.) You mentioned you'll be traveling to Sofia to see a therapist. Hopefully that will turn out to be a good experience. I wish you well.