OHHHHHH I can relate! I' even at the point sometimes where when I fantasize about T,I wonder if I'm doing so because it's just a habit! I would hope that if it's "up" and "down" that means that at least it's not "up" all the time! I know it's not as "up" for me as it was a year ago, and much less than 2 yrs ago, when T took up a lot of my "energy." And I guess it's been almost 3 yrs now since T and I discussed my transference at any great length.....it's definitely "weaker" now than it was back then. Can you hang on for a bit longer?