This is my first time posting in a depression forum. In fact I don't do much on line period. Actually I don't do much period. 13 months ago I entered a level of depressive hell that I have not been able to escape. I have always dealt with depression and anxiety and other stuff. But I had been managing. In December of 2006 I was a full time student worked as a Program Director 50 plus hours at a shelter for homeless teens, worked out every day, attended various dance classes and had an active social life. Today I am lucky if I can get out of bed. In the 13 months between that time, I have not paid bills, not taken care of physical health issues, lost contact with the freinds that I did have moved three times was technically homeless once, and spent time in psychiatric hospital. Life itself was not being kind, a beautician gave me a chemical burn and took out a patch of my hair, someone went into my account and stole at least 3 grand from me, my laptop was stolen, dropped out of two semesters of school because I could not do the work and was involved in a car accident. Prior to 13 months ago. I left a 20 year marriage that was very emotionally abusive. I also left the church we attended for 10 years because my supports in the church felt that I should stay in the marriage despite what he had done. I also left our home and neighbors who were freinds but also felt that I should have stayed. I went back to school, then found a job that eventually promoted me to the Program Director position. Along the way I met a man and began a very intense relationship, he has been supportive of me, but I don't think he is my best support system. He now seems a bit unstable himself. I have tons more going on including bad relationships with family, debt to everyone in the world, a divorce that I don't have the energy or money for, and just the inability to decide from one moment to the next what I should do to dig my self out of the mess that I am in right now financially, emotionally mentally spiritually socially ---totally.
I look forward to engaging in community with you all. I have read through your posts and I think you all understand what I am going through.