Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
((SorryShaped)),
PTSD is very confusing and scary and it took me a very long time to understand all these flashbacks I was experiencing and that included experiencing emotional flashbacks which are very confusing because often I did not even understand what triggered me to have them. It took me a long time to realize that what a lot of these flashbacks had in common were experiences I had where I struggled to be heard and respected.
When someone grows up in a dysfunctional home environment the end result is basically learning how to thrive even when your needs go unmet or that often you learn to survive by paying attention to others around you where their needs are more important and if you fail to see that you will somehow be "punished" and hurt. Also, what can happen is how a child witnesses conflict that frightens them and they feel helpless to have any power to stop it so they withdraw or hide. That can mean learning to dissociate and shut down or running to your room and shutting the door and doing something to distract yourself away from the toxic conflict.
Some children don't remember because it was too toxic for them to remember and they found some way of distancing from whatever was toxic. When I began having flashbacks, they were fractured and I did not know exactly how old I was and was surprised that I was having these flashbacks as I have mentioned.
I also realized that without realizing it I married a man that has things about him that challenge me, I did not see them right away because I had been exposed to a dysfunction taking place between my parents where I grew familiar with it and thought it was "normal" so I did not notice certain red flags right away. We can choose a partner because something is familiar, however, that familiar doesn't always mean "good for us", it's just familiar.
People will ask, "why do I attract narcissists", well, that's because you probably learned how to interact with them because you were exposed to this behavior so you don't see the true problems with it.
Human beings are designed to adapt, so unfortunately, we can adapt to an environment that is actually unhealthy.
|
Eeeeeppp!
And yes. That's what I did. One type of yucky for another because I was accustomed to yucky. Bad is bad. I get that. I did that. I'd have moved in with someone I knew to be a serial killer to get away from my parents. It happened that I thought I was moving into a good and wholesome situation, but it was one of control and being dominated emotionally. Another yucky. I've talked about this with my therapist and he tells me I should be angry, but only recently have I realized how much anger, or at least some of it. I take it out in the gym because that's my safe place to do so. I don't even look at the people who did it to me like it's their fault most of the time. I think they're stupid for not having stopped the problems themselves. That does sound angry when I read it. Yucky