I’m sorry you are having a tough time. Please keep posting so we can support you. Your feelings are valid. It may not be helpful in your current state of depression to have too many should statements. Can you ask to be put on a wait list for a therapist or pdoc? Could you space out your appointments too cut down on the cash flow? Are you a reader? Could you get some books on depression? Could your parents help you out? Just some thoughts.

Sending big hugs.