*sigh*

when the weighed me at the doctors office the other day, I was almost in tears.

I mean, I realize that I am 35 weeks pregnant so some of it is going to be baby weight, but I weighed a good 230 pounds before I got pregnant in the first place - Weight I gained while being on zyprexa, which really did me alot of good at the time so in a way it was worth it. Anyways, I now weigh in at 272 pounds!!! I do measure five foot ten so I am good and tall but it still is bringing me down.

I am ensconced(i think thats the right word) with feelings of self-ickyness when i look in the mirror, when i sat down in front of the mirror the other day all I could think was that I looked like one of those women from ...ahem.. large pornography

I KNOW somewhere inside that there is nothing wrong with being big, it doesn't make me a bad person or anything like that, but its really giving me quite the hit to my self esteem as I was always moderately thin and attractive and now I look at my face even and see nothing but chubb. Maybe it is the fact that it happened within such a short period of time that led to it being so devastating?

Part of me feels like noone is ever going to want to date me again, as I am so big and it makes me feel nasty.

For those that are big too, PLEASE don't take this as a slag on big people, as its not - its just the feelings I find circulating in my head right now that I needed to share. I know at the same time we are all beautiful in our own way.

Le sigh.