Hi Rainbow, I understand how being heavy affects your feelings and self image. I felt the same way when I was overweight. My doctor told me I needed to lose the weight, so I went on a 23 month diet. Of course, the diet was up and down but I did manage to eventually lose the weight (just took a long time). I tell you this because I want you to have hope--hope that you can lose the weight. It is a struggle--it will never be easy--but it is possible. The key for me was setting small goals. I am not sure about the proper way to diet while being pregnant. Maybe you could ask your doctor for advice? Until then, know you are a beautiful person, no matter what you weigh.