(Partial copy/paste from addictions forum)
Lately, it's been rough. I have been wanting to drink so bad lately. I keep trying to go to meetings, but I get there and can't handle being around people, so I leave.
Instead of drinking or using and losing my 7 mos sober, I've been self harming. I had been doing well with that until this past week. Tomorrow is the 15th anniversary of the death of the most important person in my life. I don't truly know how to express how much she meant to me. I don't think I ever really dealt with her death, in that 15 years. It's hitting me extremely hard this week.
I've been in the ER 4 times this past week to get fixed up. I've been getting more and more suicidal each day. I don't know how to tell people IRL any of this. I did manage to tell the doc and social worker at the ER today, but not the entire story.
I cannot handle going IP; it's worse in there for me than it is out here. I see my pdoc on Monday, I just have to make it thru tomorrow, the actual anniversary of her death.
Sorry if that went too far... it just all kinda came out... hitting post now before I change my mind...