Yeah, I do this too. I almost fell off of a rock at Brice Canyon when I was 23. That was stupid, I had no business screwing around. I sweat when I think about that.

I have this weird thing I do where I feel that disruptions to my routine are going to get me killed. Like, spilling my coffee, so I go out the door later than I would have. That’s going to put me in a different spot in traffic, and some truck will hit me, and I wasn’t even supposed to be there.

Then, when in get to work safely, I think maybe spilling the coffee saved my life. Because maybe if I had left on time I would have been killed.

This is all childhood stuff for me. I was blamed and punished for things that weren’t my fault routinely. My therapist is trying to get me to see that, instead of beating myself up for having these thoughts. I hadn’t thought about all of that.

It’s been very painful going to therapy and facing the root cause of things. Then doing the thought replacement exercises (replacing a negative thought with a positive one).