I am not. I was when I was a teen, I was very proud but then **** happened and it died; then more **** happened, and **** just kept happening until it was gone. I am not proud of who I have become as a result of all the ****. I could have handled it better, or even prevented it if I knew better. I'm trying to get some of my pride and confidence back this year. I want to do well at and finish my degree this year, do a bunch of online courses to gain skills and learn self-defensive - that's the plan anyway.

I finished my DBT course last week. It was very disappointing for me because the skills only work for anger, not for despair and loneliness. And the more I pointed this out to the psychologist team, and asked for alternatives that actually work, the more they just ignored me. And I applied my skills when asking, I stayed calm and polite and patient.

I left there feeling unaided, disrespected and invalidated. But *bleep* them, and their psychologist attitude - at least now I've learnt I can't trust or depend on psychologists - I'll do this by myself. I'll prove them all wrong.