Depression got the better of me today. It’s becoming a regular occurrence. My brother and family were round today, but I hid in my room. I love them, and my niece is adorable, but today I couldn’t face it.

I was meant to go to my work Christmas do tonight as well (yes, I know Christmas was a month ago, but retail means we don’t have time in December) but I couldn’t bring myself to go. I was looking forward to it, and fully expected to go, but changed my mind at the last minute. I doubt anyone will be surprised as I haven’t made it to a single work event since I started over a year ago...

I just want to hide from the world. It’s too much to handle lately. I know I have to work tomorrow, and I imagine I’ll force myself to go, but i really just want to stay home in bed. I only work three days a week and even that seems too much right now. Two days last week I very nearly called in sick, and still wish that I had.

I know these aren’t good signs, I know how this goes. And I still don’t know how to change it. It’s like I’m just standing back and watching the inevitable spiral downward.