Hey all, I was wondering if anyone could provide any helpful advice for me. Recently, my fiance of 2 years broke up with me and you can imagine I'm in a lot of emotional pain at the moment. I really really just want it all to go away, but I know these things take time. I was considering making an appointment with a therapist, but I am extremely apprehensive.

I have anxiety and depression issues and my doctor actually put me on Zoloft and BuSpar last week. I have had these issues for years now with me being on medication off and on due to financial troubles etc... Well about a year ago, I went to a doctor to try and get on medication again because it was really affected my relationship with my then fiance at the time. I made the mistake of telling her that I had suicidal thoughts and I did have a scenario in my mind on how I was going to do the deed. I tried to explain to her that I would never do it, it was just like a comfort. Like I had a way out of the pain, because I didn't see any other way other than through it. I do not want to die I just want the pain to stop. She didn't understand this. It was like her face went dark and started treating me like I was an invalid. A social worker came and interviews me. She wouldn't let me see my mom, who was my ride, waiting in the lobby. I was TERRIFIED. They wouldn't let me leave until the social worker said I could. Needless to say, I put my brave face on and told the social worker what she wanted to hear so I could get out of there. I didn't get any medication or any help that day. Just left that place in the car bawling my eyes out because I thought they were going to involuntarily commit me.

Here I am one year later with the same problems but without the love of my life to pull me through. I want to get help. I cannot cope with this by myself (I have my mom at least). I am heartbroken, depressed, anxious all the time. But now I am scared, because I WANT to get help but I don't want another experience like that. I rather deal with it on my own than that again.

Sorry for the long post and thank you if you made it this far. Just any advice? My mom and I discussed this. I might just see if the medication will take an edge off and maybe I won't feel so crazy enough where the therapist would commit me because I said something and she thinks I might hurt myself.