I’ll just add this bit along with this thread, I don’t like to multi thread..

I’m on strong antibiotics and the dreaded steroids for a asthmatic bronchitis so a girl has gotta breathe. But the last few days I am in a steroid rage , hating the world and myself to the degree I want to cut and I have been 5 years clean. I hate the thought of waking up tomorrow. I’m so mean and snappy to everyone and thing .. This hellish place I’m stuckin has to end. I see the new T on Tuesday I don’t expect much.. maybe I will need IP ? Maybe I don’t care enough anymore to reach out for help in the past like I somehow seemed to do so , maybe that part is lost and doesn’t care anymore for the last ditch attempt to keep me safe.

I see no real reason to take another breath. Maybe If I do I’ll find that small glimpse of hope to continue or I’ll lay in bed hoping I fade away.