Keep hanging in there Dazz. There is no real reason for you to lose hope. I know from your perspective you can convince yourself otherwise but really it's not the case. You are going to get the help you need.

I'm not sure how the medical system in Ireland works but in America, there is always someone you can see at the hospital in the event of a psychiatric emergency and you cannot be turned away for lack of money or insurance. Usually they will call in a social worker to interview you too, you can discuss your financial troubles with them and they will help you deal with that as well. You can do this.

Have you called your friends? I really think you should even just to talk about the weather. Sometimes I call a friend for no reason other than to here him tell me how his son destroyed his diaper. I can't really discuss why I'm so down with him but it helps just to think about something else for a little bit.

It's about 11:30pm for you now I think. It's not much longer, really. Perna is right. Call the hospital in the morning or just go down there if you'd like. Explain your situation and let them contact the doctor. At the hospital they spend every day calling doctors and tracking them down, they'll get him on the phone. They're so good at it they pay 'em for it .

We're all here for you. Keep us posted please. You can make it and you will feel better.