Hey everyone thank you for your replies. I really appreciate it. I actually cancelled my appointment that I made today to do the paperwork and start the process. I was just too nervous and scared to go. I think this is one of those things where I have to force myself to do it because I don't want to live like this anymore.

I guess that's one good thing about my fiance breaking up with me is it actually is wanting me to get the help I do need instead of living in this depression. Wallowing in it because its comforting and all I know. I think I will try and muster the courage to make another one soon. I will just not talk about suicide right now until I'm comfortable enough that my therapist will listen to me when I say I don't want to die. I'm just tried of thinking that is my only way out of this. Maybe not even open up about the deeper things until I know what there policies are about hospitalization. I mean...I could just ask when I get there.."I'm scared you'll think I'm so crazy and have me committed against my will?"