Sorry you're having such a difficult time. I'd suggest you talk about this with her--the fears of feeling like a pain, wanting to stop the contact, etc. Does she have suggestions on how you can deal with it, for example? Also, would she have charged you for the texts if you hadn't asked her to?

I had issues in the past with contacting my ex-T and marriage counselor too much (to the point that they asked me to reduce contact). But they never charged for outside contact (even, say, a 45-minute phone call), so in a way, it was like they were doing me a favor. And also it felt like there was no reason to limit it, since for a while, both said the contact was fine (till they wanted me to limit it--but this was a year or more with each of them). The individual T I'm currently seeing charges for outside contact beyond texts for scheduling or a very brief e-mail. If it takes longer than 15 minutes, he charges (and only uses text for scheduling...though he has given me a little support over that within the context of offering me an extra session, like saying he was sorry I was struggling). He generally has an open enough schedule that he can offer me an extra session (or half session) when needed--I've taken him up on this 3 or 4 times in the past 5 months (been a rough few months!) And that's been really helpful. So might be something you can discuss with your T?

The other thing is that he did send me a long response to an e-mail on a Friday evening when I was struggling with something that had happened that day (I'd texted him to see if I could talk to him over weekend or see him Sunday, but he was going out of town.) He offered me e-mail (charging $45, 1/4 of his hourly rate, for reading and responding). And he wrote a very long, helpful response to me. I thanked him for it next session and said I felt bad for taking up his time. He said I was paying him for it, so it was part of his job--he wasn't just doing me a favor. That felt...I don't know, safer to me. And I'd apologized about one of the extra sessions, saying I wasn't normally this needy, but he said something similar, how as long as he has the time and I pay him, it's completely fine.

Sorry, that got kinda long, but just giving you some ideas of things to discuss and possible solutions! If you need more support right now and your T is willing to offer it, maybe just take her up on it? (whether paid or not). And set limits for yourself, if you want?