Hi Starbustowl26! I’m new to this forum and I’ve just seen your post and, as your child’s story seems very similar to mine at her age, I thought it would be a good idea to make my first post in this thread.

I think you’re right about not wanting to medicate your daughter. When I was her age I already had an autism diagnosis and many ADHD behaviors (I always lost my school stuff, I seldom paid attention to my teachers and was very disruptive). When I was in first grade, my teachers called my mother to discuss my behavior and they suggested putting me on meds and hiring a special teaching assistant (that my mother would have to pay). She refused to medicate me because she wanted me to do better on my own, and not because of some chemicals making me act like differently, and because she feared the adverse effects it may have. She didn’t hire a teaching assistant either, because I was smart and at the same academic level as my peers, and she didn’t want me to be singled out. Instead, she found another school for me, with less students, where the teachers could give me the help I required without marking me as different from everyone else. Then, as a teen, I went to a big school where I did quite fine off meds, though I had many problems with bullying on my first year. I improved a lot in high school and after graduating I went on to college.

Now I think most of my improvements were due to my mother’s policy of not medicating me unless strictly necessary (she agreed to do it for a year when I was 10 because I had problems with emotional dysregulation and aggression) and not offering help (like teaching assistants) that I didn’t need. I was always encouraged to try things on my own first, and only if when I failed a few times she got me help. That way I learned I could succeed on my own, and not only as a result of external help, like another person’s or meds’. However, I would also advice not to be too hard on her, because it could harm her self esteem.

Good luck!