Quote:
Originally Posted by escapeartist
Yup. My dx often switches between schizoaffective and bipolar. You're definitely not alone; there are plenty of others here that struggle with psychosis. I'm on a medium dose of clozapine, an antipsychotic that's generally for the treatment resistant. Ive been on high doses of other antipsychotics though, but they didn't help as much.
One thing about meds is that its pretty important to take them regularly as prescribed otherwise its hard for them to work they way they should. I hope your mania and psychosis goes away soon without causing much damage.
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Glory, hallelujah! I am really unwilling to disclose my daily dosage of Seroquel for fear that my pdoc would get into some trouble (um, 400mg x 4 times daily - way out of ‘useful’ range but, hey, helps me sleep) + Thorazine IR when things get really bad (my first antipsychotic - way, way back... may have a placebo affect?). I’ve been on clozapine before, but it didn’t help my mania much (I am manic... I am not hypomanic).
When I’m like this, doing my superiority dance, I believe (I believe this now - it’s not rational, I know, but no one can convince me that any other person is as familiar with my body chemistry as me, so I medicate as I please, not as directed) that my psychotic/manic worlds are more exciting than reality. I exist in these worlds. I’m can usually maintain a high here but I can also start a rapid descent into those netherworlds.
I only experience reality when I can physically touch loved ones. Making love, having sex, holding her hand, brushing my fingers on her arms, touching hip-to-hip, any form of touch, all center me, quell the need for alternate realities and manic behavior. I swear that I am never so real, so calm as when I can hear or feel her heartbeat.
When she leaves, she has children, she has a job, it begins again. She left early evening on Sunday. She may not return for a month. There are others that I love, that we love, that I touch, but they are in complex arrangements. We are in complex arrangements, best not named or explained.
I think that I fear my medications - my psych meds. Groggy/foggy. I would rather run with my plastic parts in place, the humming of my body.
I am just thrilled to know that there are others here ‘with psychotic features’ or that find the psychosis in schizoaffective disorder more appealing. I think that I can control my other world well 85-90% of the time, as I am now. I don’t know a better word... 10-15% of the time, I panic. I lose control. I become frightened. Such queer little words to describe a spiraling death-crash.
Thank you. I thought that my message would disappear with no responses. How kind of you to reply.