That is a very insightful post, VO. The last sentence resonates with me- it is unfair if your father failed you, and now you have to work so hard in therapy to be okay. I try to keep my T's saying in mind, that I think comes from Jon Kabat Zinn on coping with cancer pain- Wherever you are, that's where you are. To me it means accepting the exact present moment with no past and no future, and doing this until it becomes a habit of mind not to rush yourself or analyze if the prices add up to hurting.