Its not you at all and I understand but I have realized most people dont understand me so I avoid people, I know its not good for me but I tend to just not care. I guees Im afraid they wont like me when they get to know me..think I am weird or something so I just don't bother because people can be real jerks even if they come off as nice at first I still end up feeling they secretly hate me. I can't help it. I also used to get attached really quickly and then thrown under the bus so It a difficult thing for me to even try..maybe its fear or something else.