Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Lately, I've felt like T has been very supportive and caring. Today he just...wasn't. I don't know if he was distracted or what, but he had his arms crossed most of the session (he never sits like that except for a minute) and just didn't seem to be picking up my need for support today. Instead, it felt like he was conducting a marriage counseling session, but with just me. I know the role of a T isn't just to support. But when I'm sitting there sobbing, asking for ways to stop having so much self-loathing...I feel like it should have been obvious I wanted something other than what he was giving me...And I only got a "See you next week" when we parted. Had to fight back tears (only moderately successfully) as I got on elevator--one good thing about MC/ex-T's office is that you can get out of there pretty quickly.
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I am so sorry that you felt an unempathetic distance today- it is a scary feeling that snowballs. It seems to happen in all human relationships, and Seinfeld kind of called a relative of that awful feeling the Flinch Factor. I bet you have been on the other side of that too- where someone you DO love/ care/ have emotions about asks for emotional contact and there's just this weird failure to connect you don't even want. I don't know why this dynamic happens, but I believe it does in all relationships. In real life it can be glossed over and the telephone wires go back up and all is well without too much trouble, but in therapy, where attunement is the only way to connect, it is glaring. So sorry- it is one of the worst feeling in the world. It makes me panic if it goes on too long.
Realistically, he could have had a different patient make a sucide attempt, he could have gotten food poisoning and been trying to hide it, or many other things besides not caring this one day
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I had a weird experience e once, in which T's crossed arms distressed me so much I brought it up to him the next session. He adamantly shook his head no, and said there is no way he would ever do that ever, and is just too well trained. He was so positive it came down to believing myself or him. He thought it was a kind of dissociative-ish issue, and I just ended up trusting him over myself.