Quote:
Originally Posted by SorryShaped
Few questions:
Your daughter's gym... Why do you think you wound up there? Missing something with your daughter?
Your needs are important, just as important as everyone else's. You seem to think others are more important. No. We're all equally important. How can you care for them if your needs aren't met? Cars need gas or they won't go. Fill yourself up first
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Oh my daughter’s gym wasn’t really significant. It is just near a couple of parks that were closed and the last road I could turn into before hitting construction. It’s at the end of a complex with a building where people go in and out throughout the night. So close enough to other building to feel safe, but far enough from the building I could sit alone in a large part of the parking lot. I knew no one would be out doing gymnastics at 11 p.m.
. We all live together, so I am constantly around my daughters and husband.
It’s hard to put my needs as important, because if that were the case I think I would have abandoned my life awhile ago. But I know that is selfish, so it keeps me here. It’s not that I don’t love my girls, I love them more than anything in this world. But they were both adopted as infants and have somewhat of understanding their birth moms just weren’t able to take care of them, so that’s why they are a part of our family. No matter how much I want to leave, I can’t bear the thought of them thinking another mom abandoned them, couldn’t take care of them. And my husband has been the biggest emotional support I could have, but he’s never financially contributed to our family consistently in our 16 years of marriage, except part time for about 2 years. I know being the only financial support, often working a full and part time job, while having bipolar, wore me out over time and I know made my illness worse which is part of why I am not stable enough to work now. But I have to be supportive of him constantly trying to figure out ways to make money, which has been home-based business work. Which means he is always at home, I’m always at home. And I’m involved with business stuff too, because I’m normally very good with planning, but I am so scattered, can’t concentrate, and honestly have no motivation to do much.
I’m tired. I don’t even know how to take care of myself without sacrificing others’ needs. Almost everything I do is wrapped in with my husband and my kids, because I am never away from them. I just wish my husband would leave during the day, give me time to myself that isn’t after 9:30 p.m. when everyone is in bed. I guess that’s why I have this strong desire to escape.