A married woman has no business continuing a relationship with a former boyfriend where she is texting him and/or stopping by to visit him. That leads to her confiding in him, which is wrong even if nothing else is going on. She needs to find some girlfriends. The old boyfriend has to be totally off limits.

She's deliberately dangling this former relationship in front of you to make you feel she's got another option besides you. So what is she mad about? What is she resentful of? What started all of this? It didn't start with the old boyfriend. Her interest in him is the result, not the cause. What is she dissatisfied with? You don't have to discuss that here, but ask yourself. The marriage is not okay. She's ticked off about something.

She is looking to tease you with this connection to the old flame. She wants you hot and bothered, and she's succeeding. You say the two of you have already talked about separation and divorce. That's not normal one year into a marriage.

It isn't necessary for a married person to be a totally open book to a spouse. Everyone has a right to some personal space and privacy. I expect my guy to not look inside my purse and to not root around inside my drawyers or inside my closet. I'm not hiding a blessed thing, but I expect my "space" to be respected as mine. I don't go looking through his wallet. That's the normal mutual respect that a good relationship requires. I shouldn't get overly interrogated about my past or, even, my present. I don't interrogate him. He doesn't have a right to know every thought that passes through my head or get a report on every conversation I have.

I know you're burning to know what went on between her and the old bf. Let it go. You're not going to know. Even, if she tells you something, you won't know if it's the truth. Meanwhile, you're letting her mess with your head. It's not "insecure" of you to expect her to terminate contact with this old bf. She owes you that, if she wants to stay married. This can't be negotiable. Nevermind quizzing her about "what happened." If you suspect she visits the old bf, then get proof. Hire a detective, if you have strong suspicions. That would not be wrong because she has already put it out there that she might be doing this. So find out, once and for all.

I hope you can get this marriage on a more secure footing. Right now, it's barely a marriage - with the amount of distrust and gameplaying going on. That's no way to live. Expect better out of life.