I had been doing fairly well for a while (since after Thanksgiving). That made me decide to start adding responsibilities to my life. I'm on disability, and have had periods in the past (on disability) when I was successful doing more than I've been doing for the last year or so. Then I'd crash and only really manage to do the basics in chores and errands. So I thought it was time to add more again. I got somewhat excited. At first I added a daytime wellness course and loved it! Then it was over just before Christmas. Then I decided to add an evening adult school class with my hubby (one night per week), and also a university class, which I had done in the past, but only went to 50% of the time.

Unfortunately I have not felt that well for a couple of weeks. Then my therapist announced that she was ending her practice. It really knocked me for a loop. I was supposed to sign up for the auditing today, but after a discussion with my hubby we decided I shouldn't. We both feared that I'd sign up and not go and basically waste the money it costs. The decision was also based on the fact that the class starts so soon (next week) and is twice per week. I just think that would be too much of a jump right now. Hubby and I will, however, go to the evening adult school class together.

I am discouraged that it is taking so long for me to add responsibilities to my life. At this rate, I feel like I'll never be able to get back to any kind of work, which I'd surely start only part-time. I know I'm not alone in this issue. I know that even though there are many people with bipolar disorder that work full-time, have kids, and do all the housework and cooking themselves, that there are others like me.

I wasn't always so limited in what I could do. When I was younger I could do a lot and work full-time. I definitely had bipolar disorder back then, too, but was able to function despite. What happened was my illness worsened over the course of my life because I was unmedicated. I often wonder what my fate would have been like if I had been diagnosed at 15 when I had my first major breakdown. If only I could have been on a very small dose of moodstabilizer. Just enough to keep me level, but never crash and burn like I did at 34.