Thanks Trace. There is an emergency women's & childrens shelter in my community. I was a benefactor for years after it first opened before I stopped working. I did speak to the director about 6 months ago. I'm just so overwhelmed that I don't feel worthy. The stigma around mental illness in this small community is alive and thriving.

I've been fighting for my disability for going on 9 years now. After filing 2 applications and appealing them all the way to the Appeals council, I filed a lawsuit on May 15, 2016. US District Ct remanded it back to ODAR April 10, 2017. Same judge disregarded all medical from treating drs...again in Dec 2017. Lawyers were "infuriated" & we decided to file another appeal to the Appeals Council. This process will take over a year and I can't survive on zero.

I know that I am not going to survive PTSD. I am also "old", single, and have no children. Shame was used as a weapon in my childhood and I have never forgotten that lesson. It shames me that I am unable to support myself, that I am unable to control my emotions. I was able to find success through sheer determination and perseverance against great odds. I have had an extraordinary life despite the many life long traumas I encountered.

I'm just tired of fighting. Today, I don't feel like I can get back up to continue fighting. I mean, everybody has their limits. I don't feel like a warrior anymore. As FuBear would post, "grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr".

Thanks again for your kind support and encouragement!