My brother is in a relationship with a girl. They have been dating a few years now. My brother at various times wanted to end the relationship with her but she would beg and cry, and as such they would not break up. We know she is head over heels obsessed with him, but he is not with her. She wants to get married and have kids but he is not ready to be at that level with her-He has said so with us. I have also noticed for a long time that they are just constantly arguing with one another, very badly yelling (both) and crying (her part). Their relationship is such a rollercoaster not just between them, but for those around them ( including me). she is a beautiful smart bubbly girl, well educated, accomplished, and has a great job, but it pains me too to see when she is upset and depressed, and I hate to see my brother miserable too. Myself and others view this as a toxic relationship that they both don’t get along most of the time or don’t communicate well with one another. As much as we view it and may have said so to him one time or another, we just have to let them be to figure out for both of them.

So long story short. She called me on the weekend to vent her problems to me. she was upset that my brother got mad at her for some issue, and she told me “I feel like your brother wants me to be perfect”. I asked her why, she said her reason. I just blurted out to her “why do you put up with that” (because in my head I just wonder how she can cling to someone that doesn’t reciprocate the love back to her the way she does). and then said “you guys fight a lot, it’s not healthy”. Then tried to smooth things out by saying “but as long as you guys can work things out then it’s fine, every relationship has its battles, but if you can work things out” I honestly didn’t go into further talk because she was upset I now thought in those ways and she hung up on me. Sigh. i just could not listen with ease this time and couldn’t offer her more consoling or reassuring words she may have wanted to hear. days later she told me she was hurt that I made such “ judgemental” comments and that she would never say such things to me with the issues i had in my relationship.

So anyhow, I am here honestly not sure how to respond back to her with an apology? I was blunt and did say my truthful observations but was probably not helpful with just listening to her and trying to help her through her emotions/troubles? What should I say next time: better nothing? “I’m sorry to hear”? She also does have bipolar so I really don’t want to say anything to make her even more upset. But now I am upset, uhhh. How would you respond? I just don’t want to say the wrong thing to her anymore because she will take it as a personal attack and make me feel like the bad guy when I had no intentions to hurt her with such comments. Thanks.