*sigh*. i'm getting tired of explaining myself. i'm spiraling downward lately and i can't pick myself up. i guess that's besides the point though... what no one understands is the fact that it is so very complicated for me to speak. i don't really expect anyone to understand though since i myself can't even explain it.. it's not that i'm not capable of talking, it's just hard.

lately people have been asking me so much, 'why aren't you saying anything?'. what can i tell them? i have nothing to say! for the life of me i can't think of anything to say! if i think for five minutes or so i may blurt out a one line sentence such as "it's cold outside isn't it?" it sounds so stupid and it drains my energy. when i'm around people i just think 'please don't say anything to me!' just so i don't have to respond back. i'm starting to think this isn't even a sort of mental disorder... maybe it's just my plain stupidity. i've never even seen or heard of another person struggling with my same situation.

i'll thank everyone now for replying to this... since the words may not come later