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Originally Posted by KYWoman
Thanks Trace. There is an emergency women's & childrens shelter in my community. I was a benefactor for years after it first opened before I stopped working. I did speak to the director about 6 months ago. I'm just so overwhelmed that I don't feel worthy. The stigma around mental illness in this small community is alive and thriving.
I've been fighting for my disability for going on 9 years now. After filing 2 applications and appealing them all the way to the Appeals council, I filed a lawsuit on May 15, 2016. US District Ct remanded it back to ODAR April 10, 2017. Same judge disregarded all medical from treating drs...again in Dec 2017. Lawyers were "infuriated" & we decided to file another appeal to the Appeals Council. This process will take over a year and I can't survive on zero.
I know that I am not going to survive PTSD. I am also "old", single, and have no children. Shame was used as a weapon in my childhood and I have never forgotten that lesson. It shames me that I am unable to support myself, that I am unable to control my emotions. I was able to find success through sheer determination and perseverance against great odds. I have had an extraordinary life despite the many life long traumas I encountered.
I'm just tired of fighting. Today, I don't feel like I can get back up to continue fighting. I mean, everybody has their limits. I don't feel like a warrior anymore. As FuBear would post, "grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr".
Thanks again for your kind support and encouragement!
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You sound a lot like me
Old, single, no kids, extraordinary life, with many ghosts to deal with. We have survived PTSD, the fact that we are talking shows we have survived. Can you find something in your past extraordinary life that you could rekindle just to make enough money to make ends meet? Maybe move to another town and get a fresh start. Yes, everyone does have their limits. Can't deny that. But there were also happier times I remember, do you? How do we get back there? Not to the same situations but to a place of happiness. Check into that women's shelter and try to regroup, at least stay warm and have food. We have to take care of our basic needs first.