(((EV))) I think I'm only just beginning to see that its that I am afraid of people loving me. My session I posted about on Monday where I was talking about becoming friendly wiht a woman at work and its nice, and how I'm trying to keep a middle ground with this friendship and how I dont fall apart when we dont get to see each other. Then when T said that I must also feel disappointed at times we dont get to see each other, well I nearly hit the roof, I felt she was hacking away at my defence I have built up all my life to protect me from feeling any kind of loss or disappointment around getting close to people. Its like I am not ready yet to FEEL the connections with people. Intellectually I know its that I'm afraid, but on Monday I think something shifted and I am emotionally experiencing the fear I feel regarding relating to anyone human. this is scary stuff and will only be taken at your own pace, its painful as the defence starts to break down, infact it was for me as fearful as being told that a plane oen is flying in is just about to crash, thats how afraid I felt on Monday.