I'm sorry you are feeling so sad.  Here's a link to an article that was posted here on PC by our beloved "News Bot".  I found it interesting. Perhaps it will help you to gain some perspective with regard to your depression:
https://forums.psychcentral.com/news...you-think.html
I wish you well...  
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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